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♥ Friday, October 05, 2007
09:23

i'm goin away for holiday.. i do not know if i shld b feeling happy or not.. so much has been goin thru my mind b4 i left for my trip.. y?! been tinking things thru.. my life looks like a SVT heart rate.. fluctuate up & down.. den i guess if no shock is given, i'll go into asystole.. sounds very alike to how i'm feeling now..

juz one mistake, i've been pin point by everyone.. u do not haf to remind me wat i haf done.. i know my mistake.. cant u see i'm trying very hard to make changes? y noone juz understand dat? wat de hell haf i done so wrong? frankly speaking, i do not wish to go hongkong to celebrate my bday.. i woudl rather spend it in singapore wif my frens & family.. but too much things has happened.. mayb not happened but rather too much haf been goin thru my mind.. i seriously cant take it anymore.. i need a break away frm this world.. it's not dat i wanna go spend my days in hk wif xianzhong but rather he's de only one available.. n i dun wan too many pple to come ard.. i need a break away frm this horrible world.. to tink of wat i want n try n put de bits & pieces back into my life.. put the jigsaw back to its position.. dat's not enuff, to put it back to it's original position to form de big picture..



seriously if i'm given a chance, i would rather not b alive in this world.. i would rather juz b everyone's guardian angel.. at least i'll feel better..

anywae while i was at work last nite, one of de sweetest things happen to me.. my best frenz came to my ward n surprises me wif a birthday cake.. well i wasnt really surprised but iw as very touched by wat they had done.. they know dat i havent been feeling good.. they've been trying to bring up my mood n stuff.. tks guys, i really appreciate all those.. life is slightly better wif u guys ard.. at least wif u guys i can feel happy.. trying to make u guys laugh, i will laugh wif u guys as well..

but as of right now, how i really feel: i simply cant please everyone.. i simply anger everyone.. i simply cant seem to get anything right.. it's a FUCKING awful life.. a life i HATE & a life i dun want to have now.. if god were to grant my birthday wish, i wish he'll take me away frm this plc n lighten me frm my suffering.. seriously i would rather die than to live now..

♥ Tuesday, October 02, 2007
01:13

it has been terrible at work.. really busy & very hectic.. i feel so drained everyday after work.. so tired dat i dun even feel like doin anything.. went back to work on sun evening.. i seriously dun mind taking an empty bed plus another patient.. de only thing i cant stand was dat pple keep changing my roster so dat she doesnt haf to admit de first case.. wasnt assignment being fixed at de start of de work? so wat does this mean? anywae on de positive side, der's only benefits to me cuz i get to learn..

work tdy was terrible as well.. juz one particular patient kept me busy de whole day cuz procedures were juz on-going for him, one after another.. thank god for one of my colleagues, i managed to keep a positive attitude n get thru it.. tough life man..

i was so tired dat i didnt even wanna run but i still managed persuade myself to do it.. met meixuan & debbie for dinner n dessert.. it was really great meeting them esp debbie after so long.. de last time i saw her was when she visited me at ttsh wif cherylin.. she's such a sweetheart.. anywae met my sis after dat.. she's another sweetheart.. she was de other angel in my life tdy.. got a bday gift frm her but i nvr expected her to buy me such an expensive gift.. a burberry's bag.. it's really very nice n i really like it alot.. tks sis, love u lots.. actually i can bear to use it.. scare i will spoil it.. hehs..