♥
Monday, June 18, 2007
oh no, why cant i get to slp? troubled? not dat i remember.. life's been good for me.. tink muz b i haf enuff slp recently dat's y i dun feel tired at all.. let me flashback wat has happen these few days..
went n celebrate fathers' day on fri wif verine & family.. it's been like dun know how many years since i last celebrated fathers' day with my own father.. came to tink of it, kinda realised i do haf a dubious family background like wat my sis said dat i dun even like to talk abt my family to many pple except a few of my close frens.. i like to take verine's family like my own family.. claimed them to b my own family.. it's really good to haf de whole family living together, not like me.. tink i've been in a denial stage for too long.. i'm not like wat everyone thinks.. good family background.. i dun n i really dun n i really hate it.. how i wished i could turn back time n let it b when i was still in pri sch when my dad owns de "kelong" earning big bucks n i get to spend like i nvr thought money will nvr b enuff or think dat i dun haf enuff money.. i enjoy taking verine n family like my own family but utimately i still dun belong to this family.. i really appreciate wat they haf done, i'll b grateful to my aunt for de rest of my life.. anywae we went humble house for fathers' day.. once again, i know.. i simply love de setting of this restaurant.. dinner was good n i ate till i was really really very full.. judging frm de way i eat sooner or later i'm gonna look like a pig n on top of dat i havent been training.. die la die la..
when i was goin to work on sat morning.. while i was travelling on de train, i was actually dozing off to slp.. suddenly woke up n was looking ard den i saw this guy who was carrying a water bag.. he looks like he was goin for some race n come to tink of it, i tink it was the singapore adventure race.. i miss another race yet again.. i really hate myself for getting into de accident n stopping myself frm doin all those things dat i haf been doin.. doin things dat has given me extra strength to move on in life.. in work.. in handling relationship.. in gaining more experience.. i really miss those days when i train wif nyp db team, mr25 runners, those uncles, sart team.. racing wif them.. having the same goals as many.. but look at me now.. i cant seem to do any of them.. to tink of it, i tink can do it.. i tink i can do a race by de end of the year.. but as time pass by slowly, n as i become more n more lazy i suddenly seem to haf lost interest in doin sports.. but it shldnt b.. i miss running, rowing, adventure racing, diving.. der's juz too many many things i haf yet to do since de start of de year.. when am i gonna start? i kept giving myself excuses but it's not gonna work.. i really gotta buck up.. but wat can i do? suddenly i feel so useless..
i give myself this coming trip as a break.. tink i've been feeling low since he left me.. i muz admit dat he coming into my life has made me relying on him too much.. thots he's everything in my life.. life wif him is perfect dat i dun even care if i lose anything else in life.. i really need a break away n sort out all my thots.. though he's already out of my mind but i haf yet to sort out wat i really wan.. dey r too many things i wanna do in life.. but i cant do everything at one go.. i gotta plan..
Plan/Goal (things i wanna achieve when i'm back frm aust)"
1) start running
~ will try n run at least twice a wk
2) start my physio & hand OT
~ gotta build back my strength esp. my left hand
3) cont my money making plan
~ re-take my paper
4) rebuild my life
~ more high moment than low moment
5) focused at work
~i gotta go back NYP for my adv dip in jan
6) tink this is more than enuff..
haha.. i gotta take one step at a time.. kinda like how i've been spending my life recently except for de a little too stuck watching tv.. haha..
n another i really really wanna do is to get rid of the scars on my hands.. it's juz bothering me at times.. any suggestion of how i can do it?
guess this is juz me.. when i cant get to slp, i always look back at how i've been spending my life? while i was refreshing my memory, i realised that i've been wasting my time on too many useless stuff.. hey diana buck up.. it's high time u wake up.. look at wat u really want to achieve in life..
♥
Friday, June 15, 2007
for the first time after de accident or in my life dat i felt dat life is so vulnerable.. was on my way to work.. heard an ambulance's siren rushing to SGH.. everything dat happen to me during de accident juz flashed across my memory.. i remembered lying in de ambulance, being sent to TTSH.. been thru series of scans.. sufferred here n der.. feeling all painful but i tried to b strong.. cuz i know by den when my families saw me, they were already very upset wat has happen.. i felt so weak.. felt like death was so near but i nvr give up.. but juz dat moment, i juz realised life is so vulnerable.. life is short.. to tink if i were to juz die like dat, i would regret.. der's lotsa pple i haf yet to tell them dat i love them.. der's lotsa goals i've yet to accomplished.. der's lotsa races i've yet to participate n of cuz partnering different pple for different races.. der's lotsa plces i've yet to go.. i seriously tink dat life is short.. enjoy while u can but gotta minimize chances of getting hurt.. riding can b pretty fun.. mayb can do it in a better way as in ride leisurely.. i nvr felt this way b4.. i used to tink wateva i like, i juz do it.. no need to tink of de consequences.. but now when i look back at wat has happened, i tink i shldnt b so selfish.. how would everyone feel when i really die? they'll b upset or mayb they cant wait for me to die.. but still der's gonna b someone who really cares for me n i'm sure dat someone will b very upset.. if dat's de case.. i'll b very disappointed wif myself cuz i hate to upset pple.. i wld rather myself to b sad than them.. like i always said, i wld rather b de clown n make them happy.. guess this is wat i meant by living life to de fullest.. smile for tmr will always b different.. love everyone like u haf lotsa love to spare.. of cuz b4 u can love someone, deep inside ur heart, u muz learn to love urself..
♥
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
slept really late last nite.. tink i got addicted to watching taiwanese drama serial.. de guys r really good.. smtimes i really wish wateva was showing on tv will become true in real life.. wishful tinking cuz it'll nvr happen but it doesnt matter cuz a little dream will make my life better.. n i live happier..
was woken up by my aunt this morning at ten.. promise to meet her after her check-up.. went town to look for her n another aunt.. went shopping n had lunch together wif her two kids.. it's pretty enjoyable.. didnt really had much buys though but came back TM and end up both my aunt & me went for some free make-over by shisedo.. i love their facial product.. i tink there r really good.. well mayb cuz i didnt try others before.. hee.. out of de few pix taken one choosen by me was sent for some women's weekly competiton.. doubt i will but juz de plesure of making myself prettier.. like wat de amcee said: there's no ugly women.. only lazy n women who dun make up.. i agree in a way.. i only tink der's only lazy women but i tink some women still look good without make-up though some without make-up can scare de shit out of me.. hee..
talked to a buddy of mine earlier on.. she's confused.. i meant totally confused.. wat does marriage means to u? to me it means wanting to b wif this someone i love n whom loves me for de rest of de life.. every moment tinking abt him.. accepting all his flaws.. willing to sacrifice for him.. willing to do everything for him (of cuz within ur own means).. only den i can get married to a guy.. if not i tink i will rather b by myself.. when i was nursing my broken heart, i really wanted to juz pick any tom dick or harry to b my bf.. try to love them but afterall i juz find it really hard.. u dun haf to remind me.. i do know my standards r pretty high.. i've tried bringing it down n try getting to know a guy but ultimately i juz cant do it cuz i juz cant bring myself to love him wholeheartly.. den this is wat i call selfish act.. i cant imagine only one partner giving n de other giving.. i believe it works both ways only den a couple can live happily ever after juz like those fairy tales.. i still hope mayb one day i'll b like de princess in those fairy tales n find my prince charming.. if i cant den i wun get married, be left at the shelves.. hee.. back to my buddy.. she's pretty selfish cuz i tink she's ony receiving n not giving.. but i tink de gusy also selfish cuz he's only tinking abt wat he wants n nvr ask her wat she really wants.. anywae gal, u r a strong gal.. let ur feelings b heard.. stand firm.. dun let him lead u to an answer he wanna hear but rather let urself, ur heart b heard.. i'm always around if u need a listening ear but in this matter of heart i cant help u.. only u can help urself.. talking abt matter of heart.. i know my standards have been really high.. in term of looks, i'm not dat fantastic.. in term of character, i'm not dat good.. but i juz dun know y my standard is so high.. i tried bringing it down n tried hanging wif guys but ultimately i juz cant bring myself to love them.. i dun wanna lie to them.. cuz i know it's very painful when u r always giving n not receiving.. i will wait till de day i truely madly deeply love a guy, my prince charming.. when we r fated to meet, destined to b together for life.. till dat day, i will only love myself, my families n my frenz.. i wld rather stay single if i dun meet him.. it sounds abit crazy.. sounds like i'll b left on de shelves.. but i dun care.. it's really torturing to b wif someone u dun like wat more abt love.. so everyone out der.. be truthful to ur feeling, only den de other partner will not b hurt..
hey darling, juz wanna let u know no matter wat happens, i wil b here.. i seriously tink dat u shld ask for a letter.. it definitely will help u in ur career.. though i know u've been badly hurt n humiliated.. wat's done cannot b undone.. wateva i've said it's bcuz i care n i wanna minimize ur hurt.. i wish i was der for u last nite but i wasnt.. i'm sorry dat i didnt do my part as a fren.. if i were der mayb u might feel better.. mayb u wun b dat hurt.. shldnt haf been so engrossed wif watching tv.. i shld haf replied ur msg.. i'm so sorry.. anywae as long as ur conscience is clear, u dun haf to worry abt anything for i believe god is always fair.. god will bless de good.. so dun worry k.. right now wat u need most is rest.. u need enuff rest, only den u'll get de energy n fight this battle.. n it'll b a battle of victory..
to all my families & frenz: I LOVE U GUYS A LOT A LOT, EVEN MORE THAN MYSELF!!!!!!
<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<33<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3
♥
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
I would say it was a great weekend but i would say it was a fantastic sunday.. went to siti raudah's wedding after work wif monling & timothy.. we were pretty late so didnt manage to catch her n take pix wif her.. but i do wish her a blissful wedding.. it's not easy to find someone u really like, fall in love with n den reach to de stage whereby u guys wanna b together for de rest of ur life.. it's nvr easy..
welcome to my Humble House !! lady in white (not a ghost though, heh..)
i love this dessert - superb!!
THE FOOD
WAS GOOD
crazy night out wif timothy, monling & my lovely cuzzie verine <3
after de wedding we went to david's humble house @ esplanade for dinner wif verine.. she was lucky.. she happen to b at marina square otherwise she cant join us too.. frankly speaking i'm in love wif de plc.. de ambience was good.. de furnitures were unique but utimately de food was great n i love de dessert.. cuz by de time de dessert came i was too full already but de dessert was good dat i told myself i muz finish it.. hee.. it wasnt dat ex after some welfare.. hee.. tks guys, i really enjoyed de dinner..
to tink of it, dat's like my 2nd supposingly expensive dinner within de week.. went barfly wif frances for dinner.. had a bottle of white wine.. as usual we proceed to double-o.. time for de-stressing..
TKS BABE FOR EVERYTHING!!
check out my new uniform.. it's like de smallest size but it still look big on me.. i shall get it alterede in de morning, provided i can wake up.. haha..
Before (wif liza)
After (pix still taken in ID)
I simply cant leave this plc..
♥
Wednesday, June 06, 2007
oh man.. it's far too boring tdy.. i need some hands-on otherwise i'll learn nothing.. guess de only exciting thing is i finally got my scrub suits.. haha.. n i can wear them tmr.. shall take a pix of it.. ,y blog is so boring these days.. no pix to make it more interesting.. but der's nothing interesting to take.. cuz these few days i juz go work n home n nowhere else.. really boring.. actually not boring but juz dat i'm juz so tired after work.. in fact i dun do anything at work.. mostly juz look see look see only.. but tdy is de last day of my orientation.. finally i can start work tmr.. hopefully i dun make any mistakes.. actually i did smthg interesting tdy.. it's call percutaneous tracheostomy.. done at ICU level.. cool but de doctors took so long to put it in.. crazy.. i was gonna fall aslp anytime man.. haha.. alrite guess by the end of the wk it'll b better.. got more stuff to do.. i've got my buddy bday party to attend.. wonder how she's gonna squeeze all her frenz into the hotel room.. but all i know is dat it's gonna b really really crazy.. haha.. den sun got my colleague's wedding to attend.. omg, one by one is getting married but where's my prince charming? though i longed to b loved but i still enjoy being single n the freedom.. contradicting.. cheers to a better tmr.. oh yah, i finally got my PR, but still got some paper work need to b done..
♥
Tuesday, June 05, 2007
this is my 2nd day in MICU.. tink i'm beginning to like my life der though i still miss my ex-ward.. missed my colleagues.. de fun n crazy pple to b wif.. during my 1st day in MICU, saw 2 bronchoscopy.. met new colleagues.. gotta start building up my relationship wif them.. met this really friendly Respiratory Therapist.. taught us so much stuff abt ventilator n bronchoscopy.. i seriously think dat she's damn cool.. learnt alot frm the staffs der.. der r really very nice n very willing to teach.. even though der's this ssn who's really fierce when she ask questions n things like dat, really very scary.. if she's ever gonna b my preceptor, i really wonder how am i gonna survive in MICU for 6mths.. but if i really get her, den juz my luck n i gotta change my perception of it.. take it as a challenge instead n in fact a strict teacher will b good cuz u'll b prepared b4 she shoot u any questions n i tink i'll learn lotsa stuff from her.. haha.. but it was pretty torturing yesterday, wif the orientation n info feeding.. fell asleep a few times.. can u imagine me slping standing.. haha..
tdy was much beta.. der was more handson.. in fact, der's 4 new staffs to micu, juz the expectation i haf out of myself, i've got one competitor.. tink she's not too bad but a little show-off.. anywae wateva.. in time to come, we'll know who's beta.. tink i cant accept any failure so i gotta start bucking up.. i wanna do beta than.. more knowledgeable than her but yet i wanna b humble n well-liked.. only good n not bad impression from pple.. hope tmr will b a beta day though i haf this really strong feeling dat she'll b der much earlier.. still contemplating whether if i shld b der early to learn abt the things.. wanna b der early to learn but yet i wanna stay humble.. tink i wun b der too early.. wateva i'm talking abt.. haha.. anywae cheers to a beta tmr.. hopefully my SNM can grant my leave otherwise i'll problem, i cant cancel my trip to aussie to meet up wif my frenz whom i havent seen for quite awhile.. god pray hard for me..
♥
Monday, June 04, 2007
i've been so busy for this whole week.. well guess in a way i was gonna b transferred out of wd 58 and to MICU so been hanging out wif my colleagues very often.. let me refresh back wat i haf been doing..
mon: was a dieting day.. woke up in the morning n was rushng off my assignment.. assignment DUE date.. as usual diana nvr starts her assignment early.. it's foreva last min work.. i juz dun feel the stress till the very last min.. this is really bad.. i muz really get rid of this bad attitude.. if i'm ever gonna go for my adv dip wif this attitude, i tink i'll die a horrible death.. haha.. wtd to cancel my ortho TCU but the next earliest date was like aug.. i'm like no way man, i cant wait till den.. in the end decided to go for my TCU without finishing my assignment.. was super late for TCU plus all the delay n stuff, i finish seeing dr wong only like 6pm.. went back to the ward b4 dat, was really hoping to see jeremy, indeed i did but he didnt c me.. instead loh saw me n in fact 3times dat day.. hiaz.. juz not my luck.. anywae met did my xrays.. went n c mr wong.. but the queue was damn damn long, cldnt wait anymore so i went back to the ward to c how much assignment i can complete.. anywae i didnt manage to finish b4 my TCU.. had a chat wif mr wong.. left wrist has totally healed.. according to him, he used the new technology on me - titanium plate.. while my right hand will take a longer time.. in a way cuz TTSH used to old technology - mental plate.. anywae TTSH ortho really sux lor.. i really hate the scar they made.. not dat they made dat scar but the way they cut my skin really cannot make it man.. wateva.. complained to him abt my frequent backache.. went n do a pelvis xray.. nothing wrong wif dat as well.. in fact my pelvis has recover too.. by itself, without any ORIF.. but he gave me a question to ponder n i'm still pondering.. should i or should i not remove my plates.. the decision lies wif me but i juz cant make the decision.. i need more suggestions.. asked colin n he encouraged me to: saying dat i'm still young.. but dat's juz only one person.. i need more advise.. if i were to remove, i'll probably do it together.. i cant stand the thots of goin in OT getting anasthetised n goin thru all the trauma again.. really scary.. meanwhile i haf abt a yr to tink abt it.. after TCU, rushed back to the ward to do my assignment.. at last i finally manage to complete it.. thank god for my buddy, he sent me back to sch to hand up my assignment.. den we went for dinner.. it was supposed to b 3 of us but someone fly me aeroplane.. but it's ok la.. haha.. had dinner at BICE (the cannery).. not sure whether if the food really tasted good or i was hungry.. dat was like my first meal of the day, 8pm.. pathetic.. but i muz say, the wine was good.. the food portion was definitely not enuff.. end up, my buddy n i haf to search for smthg else to eat.. in the we settled for japanese pasta at Central, the new shopping mall at clarke quay.. the food was quite gd so was the dessert.. by then when we finish, i was so full n so tired.. home early for a good rest.. haha..
tues: nothing interesting.. haha..
wed: was so busy dat morning.. had a collapse.. but thank god managed to revived the patient.. luckily i had su wif me.. she helped me wif the resus n thank god patient turn bad when minghui n i were wif him.. otherwise i tink it'll b really difficult to save him.. but still i find the team very irresponsible.. the patient was supposed to b transferred to HD n yet they went out for lunch.. so who they expect me to call to check the urgent bld n to transfer the patient.. but i guess it was a blessing in disguise cuz in the end, it was jeremy who helped me wif the transfer.. being cute is one thing.. being so nice, dat makes him even more charming.. guess in a way dat was one great motivator for work but hiaz he's not in GS rite now.. n i'm leaving.. doubt i'll haf the chance to c him again.. sianz.. he was really really very nice.. no temper, helped to transfer the patient even though it wasnt his case.. helped me to push the bed.. helped us to transfer the patient to HD bed.. one of the rare ones.. really wanna thank him.. by the time i finishing passing report, it was already 4pm.. all tks to the other in charge who passed till 3pm.. i heard she wasnt only passing report.. she was gossiping as well.. save it when u r free la.. was supposed to go dinner wif su they all.. rushed home, got changed.. met vino first cuz everyone else was late.. luckily i took nasi lemak b4 i left the hospital otherwise i tink i'll faint.. haha.. anywae it was a great dinner.. very sad as well.. had dinner at swensen at vivocity wif su, vino, farhana n andrea.. i'm so gonna miss them.. oh had a farwell party at dbl o after dat.. it was so so packed.. came out a few times to bring pple in.. was kinda irritated.. in a way it was fun too cuz elmya oso came.. it was her first time der.. i was so scared she wun like de plc.. thank god der was siyu n vino to look after her.. but in the end, most of us end up looking after one person.. i was really pissed wif her getting so drunk but i guess she was really still upset over some stuff.. hiaz gals r still gals.. dun drink till like dat no knowing wat was happening ard u.. wat if anything were to happen to u? wateva past has passed.. u know wat's the worst part? i didnt even get high or drunk.. stupid hp had no batt was off, i already had a feeling b4 dat i'll lose either my hp or my card cuz my jeans pocket was too shallow.. exactly, while i was sitting down at pool room bar, i didnt expect my hp to drop n i didnt even realised.. damn it. actually i didnt feel very sad dat i lost my hp.. in a way relieved.. at least i can get rid of some hp no dat i dun wanna c.. no beta excuse for dat..
thurs: i seriously need a hp.. i'll die without a hp.. eric was so sweet, he came all the way to tampines to find me to help me get my hp.. was really stuck betweeen N80 & k810i.. he cldnt help me either.. juz a phone call n i was able to decide which hp i wanna get.. tks mel, i knew i wld make a right choice by calling u.. haha.. this was wat she said.. sinc eu like to take pix den u shld get k810i cuz it a cybershot hp.. true enuff i got dat phone n i really love it.. the pix r really very clear.. thanks babe once again..
fri: a terrible terrible day at work.. only four of us were working.. thank god der was su to help us. we were so so busy.. wif wat, i dun even know.. can u imagine none of us went for break n the best thing was dat we didnt even feel hungry cuz none of us was complaining.. anywae accepted a really stupid stupid case which took up most of my time.. i felt really bad for venting my frustration at the wd12 staff.. by the time i was done wif work, it was already 12mn.. saw anita, monling, mutha & michelle working nite shift at b2 n went over to chit chat wif them till alomst one b4 i went off.. happening staffs working nite shift.. haha.. went n meet frances at dbl o.. thot i will juz stay for awhile but still i ended home only 6plus in the morning.. waited for george to finish work n went st james wif him.. crazy crazy nite.. tink i'm dying soon wif all the alcohol i haf been taking.. smtimes i juz feel so breathless without any reason.. sooner or later i'm gonna get liver cirrhosis.. well mayb it's good in a way.. end all my suffering.. cuz i'm still feeling tired.. nothing seems to b helping me at all.. hiaz..
sat n sun was for me to relax.. slow down my pace.. time to reflect for the wk.. tdy was my last day in 58.. tears were at the brim when i bid farewell to my colleagues.. vino was so sweet.. she wrote me a card.. i really feel like crying.. though i've only been in ID for a yr or less but the bond is already der.. i really loves these pple.. most of them help willingly, no complains.. no back-stabbing.. out of their own wills, their kindness.. frankly i'm so used to working in 58.. been working here for 4yrs.. it's like a home to me.. colleagues playing a different role as my family members.. in fact i'm quite worried abt goin over to MICU.. i'm really afraid i cant coped.. frm all the stuff dat i hear frm mel, it's really scary.. everything is scary incl the course.. she's already struggling wif one yr wat more when i go next yr? it'll b compressed to half a yr.. stress!! stress!! met verine after work.. went shopping.. of all pple, i muz c chong.. if it wasnt for verine, i doubt i'll even realise or notice him.. he was wearing bright red.. unusual of him.. cuz he usually dressed in dull colours.. i was so shocked to c him.. i juz waved a quick hi.. not sure if i was too sensitive or wat but he didnt looked friendly at all.. mayb he was in a rush.. wateva.. had a good time wif verine.. she's such a sweetheart.. this was wat she msg me: "i happen to chance pass you blog. i dno why but your blog stirred up quite an emotion in me, just to tell you i really loveeee you loads and i want you to be happy. if any of my actions were to make you unhappy, i'm apologising for them. :) love you sis! yr blog made me cry, damn badly. hah <3..">
♥ princ3ss_di ♥
a DeViL iN an AnGeL dIsgUiSe..
"you put the pink back in the sky,
you insert the rainbow in my eyes,
you're that silver lining in my prayer,
painting colours everywhere."
diplomatic and urbane
romantic and charming
easygoing and sociable
idealistic and peaceable
indecisive and changeable
gullible and easily infuenced
flirtatious and self-indulgent
LIKES
♥The finer things in life
♥Sharing
♥conviviality
♥Gentleness
DISLIKES
-Violence
-Injustice
-Brutishness
-Being a slave to fashion
♥
Monday, June 18, 2007
oh no, why cant i get to slp? troubled? not dat i remember.. life's been good for me.. tink muz b i haf enuff slp recently dat's y i dun feel tired at all.. let me flashback wat has happen these few days..
went n celebrate fathers' day on fri wif verine & family.. it's been like dun know how many years since i last celebrated fathers' day with my own father.. came to tink of it, kinda realised i do haf a dubious family background like wat my sis said dat i dun even like to talk abt my family to many pple except a few of my close frens.. i like to take verine's family like my own family.. claimed them to b my own family.. it's really good to haf de whole family living together, not like me.. tink i've been in a denial stage for too long.. i'm not like wat everyone thinks.. good family background.. i dun n i really dun n i really hate it.. how i wished i could turn back time n let it b when i was still in pri sch when my dad owns de "kelong" earning big bucks n i get to spend like i nvr thought money will nvr b enuff or think dat i dun haf enuff money.. i enjoy taking verine n family like my own family but utimately i still dun belong to this family.. i really appreciate wat they haf done, i'll b grateful to my aunt for de rest of my life.. anywae we went humble house for fathers' day.. once again, i know.. i simply love de setting of this restaurant.. dinner was good n i ate till i was really really very full.. judging frm de way i eat sooner or later i'm gonna look like a pig n on top of dat i havent been training.. die la die la..
when i was goin to work on sat morning.. while i was travelling on de train, i was actually dozing off to slp.. suddenly woke up n was looking ard den i saw this guy who was carrying a water bag.. he looks like he was goin for some race n come to tink of it, i tink it was the singapore adventure race.. i miss another race yet again.. i really hate myself for getting into de accident n stopping myself frm doin all those things dat i haf been doin.. doin things dat has given me extra strength to move on in life.. in work.. in handling relationship.. in gaining more experience.. i really miss those days when i train wif nyp db team, mr25 runners, those uncles, sart team.. racing wif them.. having the same goals as many.. but look at me now.. i cant seem to do any of them.. to tink of it, i tink can do it.. i tink i can do a race by de end of the year.. but as time pass by slowly, n as i become more n more lazy i suddenly seem to haf lost interest in doin sports.. but it shldnt b.. i miss running, rowing, adventure racing, diving.. der's juz too many many things i haf yet to do since de start of de year.. when am i gonna start? i kept giving myself excuses but it's not gonna work.. i really gotta buck up.. but wat can i do? suddenly i feel so useless..
i give myself this coming trip as a break.. tink i've been feeling low since he left me.. i muz admit dat he coming into my life has made me relying on him too much.. thots he's everything in my life.. life wif him is perfect dat i dun even care if i lose anything else in life.. i really need a break away n sort out all my thots.. though he's already out of my mind but i haf yet to sort out wat i really wan.. dey r too many things i wanna do in life.. but i cant do everything at one go.. i gotta plan..
Plan/Goal (things i wanna achieve when i'm back frm aust)"
1) start running
~ will try n run at least twice a wk
2) start my physio & hand OT
~ gotta build back my strength esp. my left hand
3) cont my money making plan
~ re-take my paper
4) rebuild my life
~ more high moment than low moment
5) focused at work
~i gotta go back NYP for my adv dip in jan
6) tink this is more than enuff..
haha.. i gotta take one step at a time.. kinda like how i've been spending my life recently except for de a little too stuck watching tv.. haha..
n another i really really wanna do is to get rid of the scars on my hands.. it's juz bothering me at times.. any suggestion of how i can do it?
guess this is juz me.. when i cant get to slp, i always look back at how i've been spending my life? while i was refreshing my memory, i realised that i've been wasting my time on too many useless stuff.. hey diana buck up.. it's high time u wake up.. look at wat u really want to achieve in life..
♥
Friday, June 15, 2007
for the first time after de accident or in my life dat i felt dat life is so vulnerable.. was on my way to work.. heard an ambulance's siren rushing to SGH.. everything dat happen to me during de accident juz flashed across my memory.. i remembered lying in de ambulance, being sent to TTSH.. been thru series of scans.. sufferred here n der.. feeling all painful but i tried to b strong.. cuz i know by den when my families saw me, they were already very upset wat has happen.. i felt so weak.. felt like death was so near but i nvr give up.. but juz dat moment, i juz realised life is so vulnerable.. life is short.. to tink if i were to juz die like dat, i would regret.. der's lotsa pple i haf yet to tell them dat i love them.. der's lotsa goals i've yet to accomplished.. der's lotsa races i've yet to participate n of cuz partnering different pple for different races.. der's lotsa plces i've yet to go.. i seriously tink dat life is short.. enjoy while u can but gotta minimize chances of getting hurt.. riding can b pretty fun.. mayb can do it in a better way as in ride leisurely.. i nvr felt this way b4.. i used to tink wateva i like, i juz do it.. no need to tink of de consequences.. but now when i look back at wat has happened, i tink i shldnt b so selfish.. how would everyone feel when i really die? they'll b upset or mayb they cant wait for me to die.. but still der's gonna b someone who really cares for me n i'm sure dat someone will b very upset.. if dat's de case.. i'll b very disappointed wif myself cuz i hate to upset pple.. i wld rather myself to b sad than them.. like i always said, i wld rather b de clown n make them happy.. guess this is wat i meant by living life to de fullest.. smile for tmr will always b different.. love everyone like u haf lotsa love to spare.. of cuz b4 u can love someone, deep inside ur heart, u muz learn to love urself..
♥
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
slept really late last nite.. tink i got addicted to watching taiwanese drama serial.. de guys r really good.. smtimes i really wish wateva was showing on tv will become true in real life.. wishful tinking cuz it'll nvr happen but it doesnt matter cuz a little dream will make my life better.. n i live happier..
was woken up by my aunt this morning at ten.. promise to meet her after her check-up.. went town to look for her n another aunt.. went shopping n had lunch together wif her two kids.. it's pretty enjoyable.. didnt really had much buys though but came back TM and end up both my aunt & me went for some free make-over by shisedo.. i love their facial product.. i tink there r really good.. well mayb cuz i didnt try others before.. hee.. out of de few pix taken one choosen by me was sent for some women's weekly competiton.. doubt i will but juz de plesure of making myself prettier.. like wat de amcee said: there's no ugly women.. only lazy n women who dun make up.. i agree in a way.. i only tink der's only lazy women but i tink some women still look good without make-up though some without make-up can scare de shit out of me.. hee..
talked to a buddy of mine earlier on.. she's confused.. i meant totally confused.. wat does marriage means to u? to me it means wanting to b wif this someone i love n whom loves me for de rest of de life.. every moment tinking abt him.. accepting all his flaws.. willing to sacrifice for him.. willing to do everything for him (of cuz within ur own means).. only den i can get married to a guy.. if not i tink i will rather b by myself.. when i was nursing my broken heart, i really wanted to juz pick any tom dick or harry to b my bf.. try to love them but afterall i juz find it really hard.. u dun haf to remind me.. i do know my standards r pretty high.. i've tried bringing it down n try getting to know a guy but ultimately i juz cant do it cuz i juz cant bring myself to love him wholeheartly.. den this is wat i call selfish act.. i cant imagine only one partner giving n de other giving.. i believe it works both ways only den a couple can live happily ever after juz like those fairy tales.. i still hope mayb one day i'll b like de princess in those fairy tales n find my prince charming.. if i cant den i wun get married, be left at the shelves.. hee.. back to my buddy.. she's pretty selfish cuz i tink she's ony receiving n not giving.. but i tink de gusy also selfish cuz he's only tinking abt wat he wants n nvr ask her wat she really wants.. anywae gal, u r a strong gal.. let ur feelings b heard.. stand firm.. dun let him lead u to an answer he wanna hear but rather let urself, ur heart b heard.. i'm always around if u need a listening ear but in this matter of heart i cant help u.. only u can help urself.. talking abt matter of heart.. i know my standards have been really high.. in term of looks, i'm not dat fantastic.. in term of character, i'm not dat good.. but i juz dun know y my standard is so high.. i tried bringing it down n tried hanging wif guys but ultimately i juz cant bring myself to love them.. i dun wanna lie to them.. cuz i know it's very painful when u r always giving n not receiving.. i will wait till de day i truely madly deeply love a guy, my prince charming.. when we r fated to meet, destined to b together for life.. till dat day, i will only love myself, my families n my frenz.. i wld rather stay single if i dun meet him.. it sounds abit crazy.. sounds like i'll b left on de shelves.. but i dun care.. it's really torturing to b wif someone u dun like wat more abt love.. so everyone out der.. be truthful to ur feeling, only den de other partner will not b hurt..
hey darling, juz wanna let u know no matter wat happens, i wil b here.. i seriously tink dat u shld ask for a letter.. it definitely will help u in ur career.. though i know u've been badly hurt n humiliated.. wat's done cannot b undone.. wateva i've said it's bcuz i care n i wanna minimize ur hurt.. i wish i was der for u last nite but i wasnt.. i'm sorry dat i didnt do my part as a fren.. if i were der mayb u might feel better.. mayb u wun b dat hurt.. shldnt haf been so engrossed wif watching tv.. i shld haf replied ur msg.. i'm so sorry.. anywae as long as ur conscience is clear, u dun haf to worry abt anything for i believe god is always fair.. god will bless de good.. so dun worry k.. right now wat u need most is rest.. u need enuff rest, only den u'll get de energy n fight this battle.. n it'll b a battle of victory..
to all my families & frenz: I LOVE U GUYS A LOT A LOT, EVEN MORE THAN MYSELF!!!!!!
<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<33<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3
♥
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
I would say it was a great weekend but i would say it was a fantastic sunday.. went to siti raudah's wedding after work wif monling & timothy.. we were pretty late so didnt manage to catch her n take pix wif her.. but i do wish her a blissful wedding.. it's not easy to find someone u really like, fall in love with n den reach to de stage whereby u guys wanna b together for de rest of ur life.. it's nvr easy..
welcome to my Humble House !! lady in white (not a ghost though, heh..)
i love this dessert - superb!!
THE FOOD WAS GOOD crazy night out wif timothy, monling & my lovely cuzzie verine <3
after de wedding we went to david's humble house @ esplanade for dinner wif verine.. she was lucky.. she happen to b at marina square otherwise she cant join us too.. frankly speaking i'm in love wif de plc.. de ambience was good.. de furnitures were unique but utimately de food was great n i love de dessert.. cuz by de time de dessert came i was too full already but de dessert was good dat i told myself i muz finish it.. hee.. it wasnt dat ex after some welfare.. hee.. tks guys, i really enjoyed de dinner..
to tink of it, dat's like my 2nd supposingly expensive dinner within de week.. went barfly wif frances for dinner.. had a bottle of white wine.. as usual we proceed to double-o.. time for de-stressing..
TKS BABE FOR EVERYTHING!!
check out my new uniform.. it's like de smallest size but it still look big on me.. i shall get it alterede in de morning, provided i can wake up.. haha..
Before (wif liza)
After (pix still taken in ID)
I simply cant leave this plc..
♥
Wednesday, June 06, 2007
oh man.. it's far too boring tdy.. i need some hands-on otherwise i'll learn nothing.. guess de only exciting thing is i finally got my scrub suits.. haha.. n i can wear them tmr.. shall take a pix of it.. ,y blog is so boring these days.. no pix to make it more interesting.. but der's nothing interesting to take.. cuz these few days i juz go work n home n nowhere else.. really boring.. actually not boring but juz dat i'm juz so tired after work.. in fact i dun do anything at work.. mostly juz look see look see only.. but tdy is de last day of my orientation.. finally i can start work tmr.. hopefully i dun make any mistakes.. actually i did smthg interesting tdy.. it's call percutaneous tracheostomy.. done at ICU level.. cool but de doctors took so long to put it in.. crazy.. i was gonna fall aslp anytime man.. haha.. alrite guess by the end of the wk it'll b better.. got more stuff to do.. i've got my buddy bday party to attend.. wonder how she's gonna squeeze all her frenz into the hotel room.. but all i know is dat it's gonna b really really crazy.. haha.. den sun got my colleague's wedding to attend.. omg, one by one is getting married but where's my prince charming? though i longed to b loved but i still enjoy being single n the freedom.. contradicting.. cheers to a better tmr.. oh yah, i finally got my PR, but still got some paper work need to b done..
♥
Tuesday, June 05, 2007
this is my 2nd day in MICU.. tink i'm beginning to like my life der though i still miss my ex-ward.. missed my colleagues.. de fun n crazy pple to b wif.. during my 1st day in MICU, saw 2 bronchoscopy.. met new colleagues.. gotta start building up my relationship wif them.. met this really friendly Respiratory Therapist.. taught us so much stuff abt ventilator n bronchoscopy.. i seriously think dat she's damn cool.. learnt alot frm the staffs der.. der r really very nice n very willing to teach.. even though der's this ssn who's really fierce when she ask questions n things like dat, really very scary.. if she's ever gonna b my preceptor, i really wonder how am i gonna survive in MICU for 6mths.. but if i really get her, den juz my luck n i gotta change my perception of it.. take it as a challenge instead n in fact a strict teacher will b good cuz u'll b prepared b4 she shoot u any questions n i tink i'll learn lotsa stuff from her.. haha.. but it was pretty torturing yesterday, wif the orientation n info feeding.. fell asleep a few times.. can u imagine me slping standing.. haha..
tdy was much beta.. der was more handson.. in fact, der's 4 new staffs to micu, juz the expectation i haf out of myself, i've got one competitor.. tink she's not too bad but a little show-off.. anywae wateva.. in time to come, we'll know who's beta.. tink i cant accept any failure so i gotta start bucking up.. i wanna do beta than.. more knowledgeable than her but yet i wanna b humble n well-liked.. only good n not bad impression from pple.. hope tmr will b a beta day though i haf this really strong feeling dat she'll b der much earlier.. still contemplating whether if i shld b der early to learn abt the things.. wanna b der early to learn but yet i wanna stay humble.. tink i wun b der too early.. wateva i'm talking abt.. haha.. anywae cheers to a beta tmr.. hopefully my SNM can grant my leave otherwise i'll problem, i cant cancel my trip to aussie to meet up wif my frenz whom i havent seen for quite awhile.. god pray hard for me..
♥
Monday, June 04, 2007
i've been so busy for this whole week.. well guess in a way i was gonna b transferred out of wd 58 and to MICU so been hanging out wif my colleagues very often.. let me refresh back wat i haf been doing..
mon: was a dieting day.. woke up in the morning n was rushng off my assignment.. assignment DUE date.. as usual diana nvr starts her assignment early.. it's foreva last min work.. i juz dun feel the stress till the very last min.. this is really bad.. i muz really get rid of this bad attitude.. if i'm ever gonna go for my adv dip wif this attitude, i tink i'll die a horrible death.. haha.. wtd to cancel my ortho TCU but the next earliest date was like aug.. i'm like no way man, i cant wait till den.. in the end decided to go for my TCU without finishing my assignment.. was super late for TCU plus all the delay n stuff, i finish seeing dr wong only like 6pm.. went back to the ward b4 dat, was really hoping to see jeremy, indeed i did but he didnt c me.. instead loh saw me n in fact 3times dat day.. hiaz.. juz not my luck.. anywae met did my xrays.. went n c mr wong.. but the queue was damn damn long, cldnt wait anymore so i went back to the ward to c how much assignment i can complete.. anywae i didnt manage to finish b4 my TCU.. had a chat wif mr wong.. left wrist has totally healed.. according to him, he used the new technology on me - titanium plate.. while my right hand will take a longer time.. in a way cuz TTSH used to old technology - mental plate.. anywae TTSH ortho really sux lor.. i really hate the scar they made.. not dat they made dat scar but the way they cut my skin really cannot make it man.. wateva.. complained to him abt my frequent backache.. went n do a pelvis xray.. nothing wrong wif dat as well.. in fact my pelvis has recover too.. by itself, without any ORIF.. but he gave me a question to ponder n i'm still pondering.. should i or should i not remove my plates.. the decision lies wif me but i juz cant make the decision.. i need more suggestions.. asked colin n he encouraged me to: saying dat i'm still young.. but dat's juz only one person.. i need more advise.. if i were to remove, i'll probably do it together.. i cant stand the thots of goin in OT getting anasthetised n goin thru all the trauma again.. really scary.. meanwhile i haf abt a yr to tink abt it.. after TCU, rushed back to the ward to do my assignment.. at last i finally manage to complete it.. thank god for my buddy, he sent me back to sch to hand up my assignment.. den we went for dinner.. it was supposed to b 3 of us but someone fly me aeroplane.. but it's ok la.. haha.. had dinner at BICE (the cannery).. not sure whether if the food really tasted good or i was hungry.. dat was like my first meal of the day, 8pm.. pathetic.. but i muz say, the wine was good.. the food portion was definitely not enuff.. end up, my buddy n i haf to search for smthg else to eat.. in the we settled for japanese pasta at Central, the new shopping mall at clarke quay.. the food was quite gd so was the dessert.. by then when we finish, i was so full n so tired.. home early for a good rest.. haha..
tues: nothing interesting.. haha..
wed: was so busy dat morning.. had a collapse.. but thank god managed to revived the patient.. luckily i had su wif me.. she helped me wif the resus n thank god patient turn bad when minghui n i were wif him.. otherwise i tink it'll b really difficult to save him.. but still i find the team very irresponsible.. the patient was supposed to b transferred to HD n yet they went out for lunch.. so who they expect me to call to check the urgent bld n to transfer the patient.. but i guess it was a blessing in disguise cuz in the end, it was jeremy who helped me wif the transfer.. being cute is one thing.. being so nice, dat makes him even more charming.. guess in a way dat was one great motivator for work but hiaz he's not in GS rite now.. n i'm leaving.. doubt i'll haf the chance to c him again.. sianz.. he was really really very nice.. no temper, helped to transfer the patient even though it wasnt his case.. helped me to push the bed.. helped us to transfer the patient to HD bed.. one of the rare ones.. really wanna thank him.. by the time i finishing passing report, it was already 4pm.. all tks to the other in charge who passed till 3pm.. i heard she wasnt only passing report.. she was gossiping as well.. save it when u r free la.. was supposed to go dinner wif su they all.. rushed home, got changed.. met vino first cuz everyone else was late.. luckily i took nasi lemak b4 i left the hospital otherwise i tink i'll faint.. haha.. anywae it was a great dinner.. very sad as well.. had dinner at swensen at vivocity wif su, vino, farhana n andrea.. i'm so gonna miss them.. oh had a farwell party at dbl o after dat.. it was so so packed.. came out a few times to bring pple in.. was kinda irritated.. in a way it was fun too cuz elmya oso came.. it was her first time der.. i was so scared she wun like de plc.. thank god der was siyu n vino to look after her.. but in the end, most of us end up looking after one person.. i was really pissed wif her getting so drunk but i guess she was really still upset over some stuff.. hiaz gals r still gals.. dun drink till like dat no knowing wat was happening ard u.. wat if anything were to happen to u? wateva past has passed.. u know wat's the worst part? i didnt even get high or drunk.. stupid hp had no batt was off, i already had a feeling b4 dat i'll lose either my hp or my card cuz my jeans pocket was too shallow.. exactly, while i was sitting down at pool room bar, i didnt expect my hp to drop n i didnt even realised.. damn it. actually i didnt feel very sad dat i lost my hp.. in a way relieved.. at least i can get rid of some hp no dat i dun wanna c.. no beta excuse for dat..
thurs: i seriously need a hp.. i'll die without a hp.. eric was so sweet, he came all the way to tampines to find me to help me get my hp.. was really stuck betweeen N80 & k810i.. he cldnt help me either.. juz a phone call n i was able to decide which hp i wanna get.. tks mel, i knew i wld make a right choice by calling u.. haha.. this was wat she said.. sinc eu like to take pix den u shld get k810i cuz it a cybershot hp.. true enuff i got dat phone n i really love it.. the pix r really very clear.. thanks babe once again..
fri: a terrible terrible day at work.. only four of us were working.. thank god der was su to help us. we were so so busy.. wif wat, i dun even know.. can u imagine none of us went for break n the best thing was dat we didnt even feel hungry cuz none of us was complaining.. anywae accepted a really stupid stupid case which took up most of my time.. i felt really bad for venting my frustration at the wd12 staff.. by the time i was done wif work, it was already 12mn.. saw anita, monling, mutha & michelle working nite shift at b2 n went over to chit chat wif them till alomst one b4 i went off.. happening staffs working nite shift.. haha.. went n meet frances at dbl o.. thot i will juz stay for awhile but still i ended home only 6plus in the morning.. waited for george to finish work n went st james wif him.. crazy crazy nite.. tink i'm dying soon wif all the alcohol i haf been taking.. smtimes i juz feel so breathless without any reason.. sooner or later i'm gonna get liver cirrhosis.. well mayb it's good in a way.. end all my suffering.. cuz i'm still feeling tired.. nothing seems to b helping me at all.. hiaz..
sat n sun was for me to relax.. slow down my pace.. time to reflect for the wk.. tdy was my last day in 58.. tears were at the brim when i bid farewell to my colleagues.. vino was so sweet.. she wrote me a card.. i really feel like crying.. though i've only been in ID for a yr or less but the bond is already der.. i really loves these pple.. most of them help willingly, no complains.. no back-stabbing.. out of their own wills, their kindness.. frankly i'm so used to working in 58.. been working here for 4yrs.. it's like a home to me.. colleagues playing a different role as my family members.. in fact i'm quite worried abt goin over to MICU.. i'm really afraid i cant coped.. frm all the stuff dat i hear frm mel, it's really scary.. everything is scary incl the course.. she's already struggling wif one yr wat more when i go next yr? it'll b compressed to half a yr.. stress!! stress!! met verine after work.. went shopping.. of all pple, i muz c chong.. if it wasnt for verine, i doubt i'll even realise or notice him.. he was wearing bright red.. unusual of him.. cuz he usually dressed in dull colours.. i was so shocked to c him.. i juz waved a quick hi.. not sure if i was too sensitive or wat but he didnt looked friendly at all.. mayb he was in a rush.. wateva.. had a good time wif verine.. she's such a sweetheart.. this was wat she msg me: "i happen to chance pass you blog. i dno why but your blog stirred up quite an emotion in me, just to tell you i really loveeee you loads and i want you to be happy. if any of my actions were to make you unhappy, i'm apologising for them. :) love you sis! yr blog made me cry, damn badly. hah <3..">
slept really late last nite.. tink i got addicted to watching taiwanese drama serial.. de guys r really good.. smtimes i really wish wateva was showing on tv will become true in real life.. wishful tinking cuz it'll nvr happen but it doesnt matter cuz a little dream will make my life better.. n i live happier.. 
welcome to my Humble House !! 
THE FOOD
WAS GOOD
