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♥ Friday, October 05, 2007
09:23

i'm goin away for holiday.. i do not know if i shld b feeling happy or not.. so much has been goin thru my mind b4 i left for my trip.. y?! been tinking things thru.. my life looks like a SVT heart rate.. fluctuate up & down.. den i guess if no shock is given, i'll go into asystole.. sounds very alike to how i'm feeling now..

juz one mistake, i've been pin point by everyone.. u do not haf to remind me wat i haf done.. i know my mistake.. cant u see i'm trying very hard to make changes? y noone juz understand dat? wat de hell haf i done so wrong? frankly speaking, i do not wish to go hongkong to celebrate my bday.. i woudl rather spend it in singapore wif my frens & family.. but too much things has happened.. mayb not happened but rather too much haf been goin thru my mind.. i seriously cant take it anymore.. i need a break away frm this world.. it's not dat i wanna go spend my days in hk wif xianzhong but rather he's de only one available.. n i dun wan too many pple to come ard.. i need a break away frm this horrible world.. to tink of wat i want n try n put de bits & pieces back into my life.. put the jigsaw back to its position.. dat's not enuff, to put it back to it's original position to form de big picture..



seriously if i'm given a chance, i would rather not b alive in this world.. i would rather juz b everyone's guardian angel.. at least i'll feel better..

anywae while i was at work last nite, one of de sweetest things happen to me.. my best frenz came to my ward n surprises me wif a birthday cake.. well i wasnt really surprised but iw as very touched by wat they had done.. they know dat i havent been feeling good.. they've been trying to bring up my mood n stuff.. tks guys, i really appreciate all those.. life is slightly better wif u guys ard.. at least wif u guys i can feel happy.. trying to make u guys laugh, i will laugh wif u guys as well..

but as of right now, how i really feel: i simply cant please everyone.. i simply anger everyone.. i simply cant seem to get anything right.. it's a FUCKING awful life.. a life i HATE & a life i dun want to have now.. if god were to grant my birthday wish, i wish he'll take me away frm this plc n lighten me frm my suffering.. seriously i would rather die than to live now..