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♥ Wednesday, September 19, 2007
16:28

yippy i'm finally done wif my nite shift.. it's been so busy during this round of nite.. especially last nite when i nursed a liver dialysis patient.. could even feel it at de ball of my foot now - it hurts.. but i'm glad i'm finally done wif it.. hehs..

been running de past two days.. did a 10km yesterday n clock 57:34mins.. feel pretty good after de run.. hopefully wif my coach trg program, i can hit a 50mins by end of de year.. talking abt my coach.. msg him yesterday if he'll b trg but he didnt reply.. instead haf to ask melissa.. saw him ytd at trg but he seem to b ignoring me.. mayb i'm juz being sensitive.. but usually he'll talk to me n stuff but he didnt even said a word to me.. asked if he's running wif de uncles, he juz pointed to his schedule.. i was like oh ok.. kinda pissed off wif his action.. i'm sure der's smthg wrong wif him cuz i realised he was pretty quiet during de trg.. msg him again earlier n he said he was ok.. guess i juz haf to take his words for it..

while i was running ytd, i thot abt alot.. esp. wat's wrong wif my coach.. thot abt mel.. it's really funny like how life changes.. mel's kinda close wif two of my impt men in life.. one was in de past, de other is my coach.. was kinda jealous when i realised dat mel knows more abt eric than i do.. not only dat: mel & roy hang out pretty often when roy was in town.. dun know y i feel this way.. i cant blame her or anything.. i haf only myself to blame for not making de effort to talk to them resulted in things turning out this way..

recently i found out dat in fact my close frenz now has become my ex-colleagues.. esp: timothy, mongling, jasmine & siyu.. but on second thots, dat's because i looked for them more often.. guess it's juz librian.. (AGAIN).. we hate lonliness.. actually noone seems to care to look for me.. it has always been me looking for pple.. asking if they wanna go out.. sounded kind of pathetic, felt uncared for as well.. this could b wat triggered off my depressive mood on sat nite after wat verine msg me.. wat has happen to de past diana dat i know? y is it juz so difficult to revert to de good old days? could it b cuz i used to b so occupied wif trg n sch dat i didnt even haf time to meet anyone? well, i'm still feeling depressed but i haf been working very hard on it.. guess blogging is de only plc where i tell me true feelings.. i really dun feel happy abt life.. but wat am i unhappy abt? i cant answer myself as well.. i've got a great job which gives me alot of satisfaction but i felt not great enough.. i've got a very supportive family but not supportive enough.. i've got alot of frenz but not all r caring enough ( at least dat's wat i feel, is it because my expectation of frenz haf increased dat i dun feel their care?) i wanna feel being loved by someone but dat someone nvr seem to appear.. i wanna succeed in doin my thing, achieving my goals but i'm not hardworking enough, not enthu enough, dun haf enough willpower, dun haf enough money, it's juz not enough of everything.. ARRRGGGGHHHH...

anywae wateva it is, hopefully i feel better after blogging..