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♥ Monday, September 17, 2007
17:13

some called it a mood swing.. i'm calling it a mood swing too.. but it's not de usual mood swing frm happy mood to angry mood.. but for me it's a happy mood to depressive mood.. unlike de usual librians.. cheerful, happy going, optimistic, mostly positive thots.. but rather i haf became a different librian.. mayb an unique individual.. still stuck in de past on most days.. trying really hard to get over life.. but it seems like de harder i try, new obstacles always appear.. these obstacles really left me feeling useless, caught me right in de middle, not knowing wat to do, how to react, how to survive.. is der a course on survival skills? is der like a happy drug like wat my fren claims, dat i can take n stay happy forever? living life on this realistic world has always been very complicating.. de usual n common phrase wat pple always use:"what a life!"

i came to realise this a few days ago, dat having many frenz is a headache.. cuz when i try n meet up wif my frenz, my family will tink dat i neglected them.. dat i'm always hanging out late n seldom home.. but if i stay home most of the time.. not only do i neglect my frenz but i feel depressed more often than i feel happy.. well, i'm not saying i dun feel happy being wif my family.. but i tried staying home de whole of last last wk.. in fact i was home most of de time, all alone in my room.. n wat did i do? nothing.. rotting on my bed, snacking away, refusing my proper diet, being lazy to run, no aim, no life.. i like my life to b packed.. packed wif alot of program.. so dat i feel treasured, appreciated, talented, useful to de society, wateva u can named it.. but when i'm home n not doin anything.. juz a word to describe: "LOUSY".. is it part of librian's trait? keep themselves busy & occupied?

it's really tough to balance between family, frenz & work.. as usual, life is never easy.. but like wat mel has reminded me of evan almighty.. god doesnt give u wat u wish or ask for.. instead he make u learn thru a situation to achieve ur goal, ur wish.. wat a meaningful life!! (like real!!)

i'm finally done wif my last paper.. hopefully i dun fail, otherwise studying again it's not a prob but having to pay for de paper is.. got lotsa debts suddenly.. wish i haf de ability to make more money.. wait a min.. i shld b positive.. i do haf to ability.. (it takes abit of psycho-ing skills to tell myself that..) it's all abt how i make use of situation, n stuff like dat.. but i do dream of juz striking de lottery den der's no efforts taken to make it happen.. how cool isnt it.. alrite.. shall leave things as it is now.. always hoping for a better tmr though smtimes i prefer tmr not to come.. *heading off for my run, tink my coach is disappointed wif me for not training hard.. he's been so busy in sch dat i feel neglected.. he's used to msg me on n off.. asking me to run but he dun do it anymore.. guess now i lack of one motivator.. but mayb i shld turn de situation around n b his motivator.. dun i sound positive? hehs..