oh no, why cant i get to slp? troubled? not dat i remember.. life's been good for me.. tink muz b i haf enuff slp recently dat's y i dun feel tired at all.. let me flashback wat has happen these few days..
went n celebrate fathers' day on fri wif verine & family.. it's been like dun know how many years since i last celebrated fathers' day with my own father.. came to tink of it, kinda realised i do haf a dubious family background like wat my sis said dat i dun even like to talk abt my family to many pple except a few of my close frens.. i like to take verine's family like my own family.. claimed them to b my own family.. it's really good to haf de whole family living together, not like me.. tink i've been in a denial stage for too long.. i'm not like wat everyone thinks.. good family background.. i dun n i really dun n i really hate it.. how i wished i could turn back time n let it b when i was still in pri sch when my dad owns de "kelong" earning big bucks n i get to spend like i nvr thought money will nvr b enuff or think dat i dun haf enuff money.. i enjoy taking verine n family like my own family but utimately i still dun belong to this family.. i really appreciate wat they haf done, i'll b grateful to my aunt for de rest of my life.. anywae we went humble house for fathers' day.. once again, i know.. i simply love de setting of this restaurant.. dinner was good n i ate till i was really really very full.. judging frm de way i eat sooner or later i'm gonna look like a pig n on top of dat i havent been training.. die la die la..
when i was goin to work on sat morning.. while i was travelling on de train, i was actually dozing off to slp.. suddenly woke up n was looking ard den i saw this guy who was carrying a water bag.. he looks like he was goin for some race n come to tink of it, i tink it was the singapore adventure race.. i miss another race yet again.. i really hate myself for getting into de accident n stopping myself frm doin all those things dat i haf been doin.. doin things dat has given me extra strength to move on in life.. in work.. in handling relationship.. in gaining more experience.. i really miss those days when i train wif nyp db team, mr25 runners, those uncles, sart team.. racing wif them.. having the same goals as many.. but look at me now.. i cant seem to do any of them.. to tink of it, i tink can do it.. i tink i can do a race by de end of the year.. but as time pass by slowly, n as i become more n more lazy i suddenly seem to haf lost interest in doin sports.. but it shldnt b.. i miss running, rowing, adventure racing, diving.. der's juz too many many things i haf yet to do since de start of de year.. when am i gonna start? i kept giving myself excuses but it's not gonna work.. i really gotta buck up.. but wat can i do? suddenly i feel so useless..
i give myself this coming trip as a break.. tink i've been feeling low since he left me.. i muz admit dat he coming into my life has made me relying on him too much.. thots he's everything in my life.. life wif him is perfect dat i dun even care if i lose anything else in life.. i really need a break away n sort out all my thots.. though he's already out of my mind but i haf yet to sort out wat i really wan.. dey r too many things i wanna do in life.. but i cant do everything at one go.. i gotta plan..
Plan/Goal (things i wanna achieve when i'm back frm aust)"
1) start running
~ will try n run at least twice a wk
2) start my physio & hand OT
~ gotta build back my strength esp. my left hand
3) cont my money making plan
~ re-take my paper
4) rebuild my life
~ more high moment than low moment
5) focused at work
~i gotta go back NYP for my adv dip in jan
6) tink this is more than enuff..
haha.. i gotta take one step at a time.. kinda like how i've been spending my life recently except for de a little too stuck watching tv.. haha..
n another i really really wanna do is to get rid of the scars on my hands.. it's juz bothering me at times.. any suggestion of how i can do it?
guess this is juz me.. when i cant get to slp, i always look back at how i've been spending my life? while i was refreshing my memory, i realised that i've been wasting my time on too many useless stuff.. hey diana buck up.. it's high time u wake up.. look at wat u really want to achieve in life..
