oh i havent been blogging for the past few days.. didnt feel like blogging.. well where shall i start.. erm friday 20/4/07.. was still sick.. stayed at hm the whole day.. didnt eat much either.. was juz watching my taiwanese drame (de hospital).. it juz makes me reflect on my hospital.. does such politics really happen? i meant der's definitely politics wherever u work but is it really dat bad? i really hate politics.. y cant we juz help each other n not cut each other's throat.. anywae dat's juz how realistic this world has become.. besides the show, i was so excited abt meeting my sec sch mates whom i know for 12 yrs n whom i havent meet for 8 yrs.. been tinking whole day how each & everyone of them would haf change..

met jeremy (kwok yuen) first juz outside balaclava.. he's so suave.. haha.. he used to wear specs n braces.. abit nerdy at time in class but look at him now.. haha.. too bad u r taken, otherwise i might work on u.. haha.. talking abt it.. thot i'm always late wif my appts.. instead everyone else was late.. i was like the earliest.. pretty unusual.. haha.. didnt expect bala to b so packed.. while waiting for celine n her beau to arrive, jeremy n me were hanging ard, catching up n looking for seats.. while we were all still waiting for seats, happen to c bernard (dinesh's fren) who got a table right under our nose when we were waiting right in front of him.. haha.. anywae he was still kind enuff to offer us a seat.. haha.. slowly one by one appeared.. marcus, joachim, shijian & xinguang.. actually all of them still look the same except a little more matured now as compared to last time.. i really had a great time talking abt how stupid each n everyone of us were in the past.. but wat i really missed wif this grp was the time i spent wif celine.. when we were very close.. goin to her plc after sch, hanging der till late nite den her mum will send me to the causeway where i'll take a bus across n get my dad to pick me up.. i really had alot of fun..

after which i hitch a ride frm celine n went over to dbl-o to look for frances n cat.. well in way cuz "glad" was celebrating his bday.. by the time i appeared, he's almost der already la.. (like drunk).. was pretty tired, it's more of the flu bug was getting the best out of me.. but still.. after the club closed, frances, cat n me went for supper.. dat was like my first proper meal for the whole day.. actually we were kinda waiting for george n his staffs to finish n close shop n adjourned to st james.. been der once but dun really like de plc.. n in a way it reminded me of someone who was supposed to pick me n my frenz up frm der but in de end, fly me kite.. wateva.. was kinda getting bored over der.. no guys to oogle.. nothing to do.. n by the time i got home was like 6am n for godness sake, i gotta work at 1pm.. thank god i survived thru work n in fact wasnt even tired..

22/4/07 ~ Sunday (DB gathering)

met my teammates at rice table at cuppage.. ate so much la till my tummy was bulging out.. haha.. miss rowing man.. i'm so gonna b back rowing one of these days.. had an enjoyable time.. actually kinda was celebrating melissa bday but without a cake.. tink she had too much of them the last few days.. haha.. anywae after which we went to tcc for coffee.. jintien: this is a high class kopitiam.. so they dun serve kopi or kopi-o.. haha.. it was really fun gossiping n bitching ard.. n of cuz not forgetting the news of jaime getting pregnant.. she was supposed to come down n gives us a surprise/shock but i kinda guessed it anywae.. but poor gal was not feeling well.. hope she's feeling better now..

after all dat, it was still early, n mel got her car already n we decided to do smthg which i've been wanting to do.. i wanna see him n get back my stuff.. went back to mel's plc n sneak out wif the car.. took a drive to his plc.. though it was far frm mel's plc but we had plenty of time dat nite.. i dun deny the fact i still wanna see him again n the fact dat i missed him n also the fact dat i've been very miserable for the past 2mths.. msg him, he dun reply den fine, down we go.. took a spin at his plc's carpark - tested mel's driving skill on a multi-story carpark.. nope.. his car's not der.. not home yet.. but the thot of seeing him again kinda frighten me cuz i dun know wat to expect.. take my things n juz go n i wanna find out wat really happen this period when he mia? told mel let's go back.. went onto the expressway n u-turn back again.. we were crazy..

waited at his blk.. somehow or another, i caught a glimsp of him returning hm.. looks like the way he walk but not sure but i still tink it's him.. went for a second round at the carpark n yes, we saw his car.. mel parked besides him.. she was worried whether if her parking was straight but dat was the last thing i was bothered wif.. suddenly so many things went thru my mind.. approached his plc.. no wanting to disturb his parents but not sure wat to do cuz he didnt replied even after we msg him dat we r outside his plc.. i felt so timid.. a feeling which i nvr felt before overwhelmed me.. like we r some kind of thieves cuz i forgot which flr he stayed n seems like we were playing wif the lift.. my mind juz went blank n i really dun know wat to speak to him when we c face to face.. instead i told mel:"gal, u help me to take my things can?" i dun wan to see him.. n seriously, i was having tachycardia, blood was like gushing all inside my body..

oh no.. someone opened the door.. it was his mum.. i was like hiding at the lift der, i heard footsteps.. he's approaching.. shld i say anything.. too shock to c him.. i didnt even look at him most of the time.. my eyes was so focused on my footsteps.. took my things back without even saying anything.. mel was like asking me to talk to him but my mind totally black-out on him.. wat shld i say, wat shld i ask.. do i really wanna hear the answer? i really dun know.. ended up i got mel to talk to him n yet she didnt managed to find out anything too.. i was really upset & disappointed but i juz dun know wat to do..

got his msg early in the morning..

"hi gal, it has been awhile, hope u r ddoin fine. i tried, but mayb i jus don lov u enough. i jus can't accept pr mayb the idea of havin to commit in a r/s(relationship), in another word, i'm jus not ready. Pls don b mistaken is bcas of other parties (but the fact was, it is). not respondin is juz my character, cas i don knw hw to express my tots. i jus nd time for myself. u take gd care. i'm sorry." upon getting this msg, i was alrite, in fact it felt a heavy stone juz drop off my chest..

juz somehow or another i happen to hear frm a fren whom he mentioned to the last nite, dat he has a gf.. i was caught in surprise.. guess it's juz stupid me who believed him time n time n again.. but yet got cheated again n again.. besides upset & disappointed.. i was mad.. i cldnt focus at work.. thank god i didnt kill any patients.. i chose to believe u.. all these while i nvr hope for anything.. i'm happy juz to stay as ur fren.. but u juz haf to toy wif the feelings i haf for u.. i muz admit LOVE is BLIND.. i was really blinded.. (damnit)

i know i muz stay strong now.. at least dat's my frenz say but i'm really very tired of being strong, being independent, acting like a clown in front of my frenz even though i'm upset.. i hate making pple worried abt me.. hate pple getting upset cuz of wat's happening to me.. it makes me feel so useless.. i dun ask for much except for a happy surrounding.. but right now i juz cant do it anymore.. can i juz let everything down? can i juz b wat i feel for once? i'm really getting very tired.. juz so tired.. so tired till i juz dun wanna try anymore.. so tired till i juz wanna let everything go.. so tired till i wished i can slp foreva.. juz so tired of trying.. juz so tired of my life.. really very tired of it.. i'm TIRED!!!

oh i havent been blogging for the past few days.. didnt feel like blogging.. well where shall i start.. erm friday 20/4/07.. was still sick.. stayed at hm the whole day.. didnt eat much either.. was juz watching my taiwanese drame (de hospital).. it juz makes me reflect on my hospital.. does such politics really happen? i meant der's definitely politics wherever u work but is it really dat bad? i really hate politics.. y cant we juz help each other n not cut each other's throat.. anywae dat's juz how realistic this world has become.. besides the show, i was so excited abt meeting my sec sch mates whom i know for 12 yrs n whom i havent meet for 8 yrs.. been tinking whole day how each & everyone of them would haf change..

met jeremy (kwok yuen) first juz outside balaclava.. he's so suave.. haha.. he used to wear specs n braces.. abit nerdy at time in class but look at him now.. haha.. too bad u r taken, otherwise i might work on u.. haha.. talking abt it.. thot i'm always late wif my appts.. instead everyone else was late.. i was like the earliest.. pretty unusual.. haha.. didnt expect bala to b so packed.. while waiting for celine n her beau to arrive, jeremy n me were hanging ard, catching up n looking for seats.. while we were all still waiting for seats, happen to c bernard (dinesh's fren) who got a table right under our nose when we were waiting right in front of him.. haha.. anywae he was still kind enuff to offer us a seat.. haha.. slowly one by one appeared.. marcus, joachim, shijian & xinguang.. actually all of them still look the same except a little more matured now as compared to last time.. i really had a great time talking abt how stupid each n everyone of us were in the past.. but wat i really missed wif this grp was the time i spent wif celine.. when we were very close.. goin to her plc after sch, hanging der till late nite den her mum will send me to the causeway where i'll take a bus across n get my dad to pick me up.. i really had alot of fun..

after which i hitch a ride frm celine n went over to dbl-o to look for frances n cat.. well in way cuz "glad" was celebrating his bday.. by the time i appeared, he's almost der already la.. (like drunk).. was pretty tired, it's more of the flu bug was getting the best out of me.. but still.. after the club closed, frances, cat n me went for supper.. dat was like my first proper meal for the whole day.. actually we were kinda waiting for george n his staffs to finish n close shop n adjourned to st james.. been der once but dun really like de plc.. n in a way it reminded me of someone who was supposed to pick me n my frenz up frm der but in de end, fly me kite.. wateva.. was kinda getting bored over der.. no guys to oogle.. nothing to do.. n by the time i got home was like 6am n for godness sake, i gotta work at 1pm.. thank god i survived thru work n in fact wasnt even tired..

22/4/07 ~ Sunday (DB gathering)

met my teammates at rice table at cuppage.. ate so much la till my tummy was bulging out.. haha.. miss rowing man.. i'm so gonna b back rowing one of these days.. had an enjoyable time.. actually kinda was celebrating melissa bday but without a cake.. tink she had too much of them the last few days.. haha.. anywae after which we went to tcc for coffee.. jintien: this is a high class kopitiam.. so they dun serve kopi or kopi-o.. haha.. it was really fun gossiping n bitching ard.. n of cuz not forgetting the news of jaime getting pregnant.. she was supposed to come down n gives us a surprise/shock but i kinda guessed it anywae.. but poor gal was not feeling well.. hope she's feeling better now..

after all dat, it was still early, n mel got her car already n we decided to do smthg which i've been wanting to do.. i wanna see him n get back my stuff.. went back to mel's plc n sneak out wif the car.. took a drive to his plc.. though it was far frm mel's plc but we had plenty of time dat nite.. i dun deny the fact i still wanna see him again n the fact dat i missed him n also the fact dat i've been very miserable for the past 2mths.. msg him, he dun reply den fine, down we go.. took a spin at his plc's carpark - tested mel's driving skill on a multi-story carpark.. nope.. his car's not der.. not home yet.. but the thot of seeing him again kinda frighten me cuz i dun know wat to expect.. take my things n juz go n i wanna find out wat really happen this period when he mia? told mel let's go back.. went onto the expressway n u-turn back again.. we were crazy..

waited at his blk.. somehow or another, i caught a glimsp of him returning hm.. looks like the way he walk but not sure but i still tink it's him.. went for a second round at the carpark n yes, we saw his car.. mel parked besides him.. she was worried whether if her parking was straight but dat was the last thing i was bothered wif.. suddenly so many things went thru my mind.. approached his plc.. no wanting to disturb his parents but not sure wat to do cuz he didnt replied even after we msg him dat we r outside his plc.. i felt so timid.. a feeling which i nvr felt before overwhelmed me.. like we r some kind of thieves cuz i forgot which flr he stayed n seems like we were playing wif the lift.. my mind juz went blank n i really dun know wat to speak to him when we c face to face.. instead i told mel:"gal, u help me to take my things can?" i dun wan to see him.. n seriously, i was having tachycardia, blood was like gushing all inside my body..

oh no.. someone opened the door.. it was his mum.. i was like hiding at the lift der, i heard footsteps.. he's approaching.. shld i say anything.. too shock to c him.. i didnt even look at him most of the time.. my eyes was so focused on my footsteps.. took my things back without even saying anything.. mel was like asking me to talk to him but my mind totally black-out on him.. wat shld i say, wat shld i ask.. do i really wanna hear the answer? i really dun know.. ended up i got mel to talk to him n yet she didnt managed to find out anything too.. i was really upset & disappointed but i juz dun know wat to do..

got his msg early in the morning..

"hi gal, it has been awhile, hope u r ddoin fine. i tried, but mayb i jus don lov u enough. i jus can't accept pr mayb the idea of havin to commit in a r/s(relationship), in another word, i'm jus not ready. Pls don b mistaken is bcas of other parties (but the fact was, it is). not respondin is juz my character, cas i don knw hw to express my tots. i jus nd time for myself. u take gd care. i'm sorry." upon getting this msg, i was alrite, in fact it felt a heavy stone juz drop off my chest..

juz somehow or another i happen to hear frm a fren whom he mentioned to the last nite, dat he has a gf.. i was caught in surprise.. guess it's juz stupid me who believed him time n time n again.. but yet got cheated again n again.. besides upset & disappointed.. i was mad.. i cldnt focus at work.. thank god i didnt kill any patients.. i chose to believe u.. all these while i nvr hope for anything.. i'm happy juz to stay as ur fren.. but u juz haf to toy wif the feelings i haf for u.. i muz admit LOVE is BLIND.. i was really blinded.. (damnit)

i know i muz stay strong now.. at least dat's my frenz say but i'm really very tired of being strong, being independent, acting like a clown in front of my frenz even though i'm upset.. i hate making pple worried abt me.. hate pple getting upset cuz of wat's happening to me.. it makes me feel so useless.. i dun ask for much except for a happy surrounding.. but right now i juz cant do it anymore.. can i juz let everything down? can i juz b wat i feel for once? i'm really getting very tired.. juz so tired.. so tired till i juz dun wanna try anymore.. so tired till i juz wanna let everything go.. so tired till i wished i can slp foreva.. juz so tired of trying.. juz so tired of my life.. really very tired of it.. i'm TIRED!!!